this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
