I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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