that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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