I got chris browned last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
