Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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