Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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