Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
