The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
