Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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