you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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