You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
