were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
