I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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