Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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