So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
