I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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