Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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