Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
