If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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