when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Text me some of your sweat
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