just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
