I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
