My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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