literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
