this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
