On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
