I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
