he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
