At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
