either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
