I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
