can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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