My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
