It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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