batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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