dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize