walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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