I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
