She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
