I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
