I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
