Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
