Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
