All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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