Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
