i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
