What tipped you off? The sombrero?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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