OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
