Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
