anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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