omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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