Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
