Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize