Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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