seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
