he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
