hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
