I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
