I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize