Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
