There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
