Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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