If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
