the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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