make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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