Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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