watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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