Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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