I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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