I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
